May 28, 2012
Things were so much simpler before. Before him. Before them. Before all of it. I allowed myself to get sucked into that world because I had wanted it for so long. Want something long enough and apparently you will get it. But, be careful what you wish for. I was always told that. And its the truth. I certainly got what I wanted, but not in the way that I thought. They accepted me into their little group because I had conned my way there. Made my way into their group and that’s when I realized things aren’t exactly as they seem. I had to become someone I wasn’t for them to accept me. And then I just kept changing, however they wanted me to be. And definitely wasn’t someone I wanted to be. I turned into a liar and did things that I promised myself I never would. When I finally stood up for myself, they turned against me as if I was nothing. We were never really friends. But accomplices in crime. You start showing your true colors and they don’t want anything to do with you anymore. That’s just how they are. When you start playing by your own rules, instead of theirs, you’re out. Its just how the group works. I knew that when I stood up for myself but I didn’t want to believe that they would actually do it to me. i actually allowed myself to think those jerks were truly my friends. That they cared about me. I was a fool to think that they ever were. For a while I played by their rules for too long and it destroyed me. And now, I want to show them that they can’t play games with life and people’s reputations. They have a hard lesson to learn.